Crime Wave

Crimes seem to come in waves. Certainly the reporting of crimes comes in waves. The problem with this most recent crime wave is that it is one of the grossest waves possible.

First up is Tooru Miyazaki who splashed “bodily fluids” on the legs and skirt of a 12 year old girl who was walking around JR Kanamachi Station. The bodily fluid isn’t specified, which totally indicates what it was. Neither was the container, but I can make some educated guesses.

Miyazaki’s reasoning as to why this would be a good idea was “I did it to satisfy my sexual desire. I feel that middle schools girls uniforms are sexually stimulating.” To be honest, we didn’t need that statement, we already knew that. Police are pretty sure they have the right guy as he is also under investigation for a separate incident with another schoolgirl that happened 10 minutes later.

Miyazaki’s spirit animal is Yutaka Ugajin from Yokohama, who also splashed an “unspecified fluid” on a woman going up an escalator but since it was carried in a “contraceptive device”. It doesn’t take a great detective to figure out what’s going on. The incredibly sound reasoning here was “I liked her buttocks.” and “I did it due to work and family stress.”

Luckily being arrested is also known to be a great way to reduce those stresses as you will probably no longer have a job or a family afterwards. This is pretty much assured as he copped to doing the same thing in up to 8 other cases.

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